So I am writing this doing the standard girl procedure wallowing in self pity whilst stuffing my face with a ‘well deserved’ large dominos pizza after a ‘hard day’. You get it, right? We all get those days, you wake up with the intentions of having an extremely productive day and things just escalate from 0-100 real quick with no pre warning, NOTHING. At the end of the day if we knew our unfortunate fate before it happened that would make life easy and boring right? And we wouldn’t want that.
Started my day waking up early, going for a breakfast ordering all this healthy basic bitch shit as you do when you’re a girl wanting to make miraculous changes in your life ordering a soy cappuccino thinking you’re gunna drop like 3 dresses sizes. Anyways more to the point after breakfast was still room for something sweet (shock) walked past this organic store ordered this gluten/ dairy/ fat free caramel slice THE DREAM (so I thought). Had two bites of it and to my horror the girl forgot to tell me it wasn’t nut free. Within seconds my tonsils are swelling to the size of Kim k’s arse, I’m sweating, feeling sick, not breathing properly the lot. Before you think if you’ve got a nut allergy why don’t you just carry your epi pen? To answer your question I’ve never been given an epi pen because I don’t usually react this badly as I usually just take an antihistamine and I’m sorted well on me way to a speedy recovery. But this time it was very different.
Instead of worrying about the fact I could be seconds away from popping me cloggs I’m actually worrying about the fact I have to start my new job in a few hours and I think I may need to go hospital so I can’t work, agh my priorities are fucked. And I’m thinking the usual of course this would happen to me on my supposed productive day where I am meant to be showering, doing my hair, mentally preparing myself for my new job, shaving my Amazonian legs that I’ve left too long standard but nah on my way to A&E beauuuutiful.
So lying in the hospital bed being injected with all this shit and I’m introduced to not 1, not 2 but 3 out of this world looking doctors that to my delight are having to examine me. And I’m thinking fuck, couldn’t of this unfortunate event happened to me ATLEAST after I showered, after I’d put my make up on, after I had shaved my Amazonian fucking legs nah course not. At first, 2 of them were flirting with me a little and I was loving it however that drastically changed after they started having examine to my legs to check for swelling etc. Sweeeeet, one that was originally flirting with me before seeing my Amazonian legs then starting calling me ‘buddy’ fuck how degrading. Went from feeling like Beyoncé to Bruce real quick.
I then have to be kept in for the day so they can keep an eye on me and I have to pluck up the courage to tell my new work that I actually can’t work because I’ve eaten nuts that I know I’m allergic to and have been taken into hospital. How fucking stupid do I sound? It’s also Saturday so probs looks like I’m trying to pull a sly one so I can sneak out for a wild sesh in Manly with the girls, nope wish that was the case but unfortunately not. However, they dealt with it very formally by after me sending them a huge paragraph apologising profusely on why I can’t turn up today. Stressing to the max I get a reply of ‘👍🏼’ typical.
Worst part about this experience is the fact I got slight enjoyment out of having to be in a hospital, being referred to as ‘buddy’ by a worldie and having tonsils the size of Kim k’s arse so I couldn’t barely breath. BUT it was better than being at my shitty hostel that has more cockroaches than I’ve had hot fucking meals and smells that bad of weed I constantly feel high.
But on the brightside after eventually being released I returned back to the shithole after it taking me 1 and a half hours to walk back to because I have poor sense of direction, I didn’t want to spend money on a taxi and my phone had died so had no maps typical (the walk to the hospital is meant to be 10 mins lol fucked it). I sorted out my shaving issue (better late than never) and finished the day with a dominos because that seemed more appealing than any gluten free healthy shit after the day I had. Xo